Monday, May 21, 2012

When Arnab became the President

The weather outside is scorching hot. It's the most anticipated summer of 2014 but the power corridor looks empty. Not a person in sight. After the post-election tie-up, the newly formed UPNDAJMM, with its 551 members in the parliament, is still in doubts about the future Prime Minister. It's not the regular case of too many suitors, instead it's who'll bell the cat here. They remember the time when NDA, independently, approached the President, with its stake to form the government. The meeting, now a part of the folklore, thus happened:



Mr. President (Shri Arnab Goswami): Thank you for coming to my studio, er, my house
Mr.L.K. Advani: Thank you
AG: Sir, let's come directly to the question the nation is asking you tonight
LKA: Sir, it's 11 AM
AG: Let's not change the topic because what we are here to discuss is of greater importance to the nation. So, the nation is asking you a simple question, do you think you are capable to lead the nation and you have the numbers?
LKA: Yes. We have the support of 273 MPs and regarding your...
AG: Sir..Sir, let me stop you here because we have Mr. Manmohan Singh on line 2 from our visitors gallery. Mr. Singh do you agree with what Mr. Advani is saying?
MMS looks dumbfounded as he just visited the Rashtrapati Bhawan to get free travelling passes but to his aid Mr. Manish Tewari was present
MT: There can be many answers to this question Arnab, er, Mr. President, and each person....
AG: But the nation is not asking you this question, it's asking Mr. Singh. Mr. Singh will you speak up
LKA: As I was completing my answer....
AG: Mr. Advani we will get to you...Yes Mr. Singh
MT: Mr. Singh just left after collecting the passes
AG: Yes Mr. Advani, at this hour of the day the nation is asking you 5 questions:
1. Do you have the numbers?
2. If you have, then what were Mr. Singh and Mr. Tewari doing in my office?
3. Do you believe that becoming a PM is your birthright?
LKA (Interrupting): I suppose Mr. Singh was collecting...
AG: Mr. Advani please for once let the nation voice its opinion. I didn't interrupt when you were talking. Yes the fourth question is Is that thin man Mr. Gadkari sitting next to you?
and the fifth question is How has he managed to lose so much weight?
Yes Mr. Advani you may answer
LKA: I don't wanna play this game. I want retirement. Mr. Singh are there any travel passes left?
AG: Mr. Advani...Mr Advani...Okay Mr. Gadkari..you are Mr Gadkari, aren't you? No that's not a takeaway breakfast. Okay you can eat but you can not leave the place like Mr. Advani...where are you going?
MT: Mr. President, I'm still here
AG: Oh shut up, who wants to talk to you.

Even more horrifying stories came from Jayalalitha, Mayawati, Mulayam who all went to stake their claims. Only Mamta tried to put some sense into the house when she visited Mr. President and accused him of being a Maoist and rejecting the offer to form a government, also calling for a Rashtrapati Bhawan Band the following day.

It's been 2 weeks since all the parties have formed a new alliance, still there is no sign of the future leader. The incumbent PM is still holding on to his travel passes....


  

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