Saturday, February 27, 2010

Few worst ads of recent times

Few ads which make me scream WTF from the moment the air.
1. JK Super Cement: Seriously guys what is it? A girl in one piece bikini walks out of pool and the voice over says "Vishwas hai, isme kuch khaas hai" Is there some sort of pun which I am not getting because this bikini girl and cement are in no way related, or this ad was intended to be for JK's Super Semen instead?


2. Imagine you are going out of station for few days, and your good friend doesn't forget to mention that "dude you might die". In olden times we just used to say "have a safe journey." By the way the "good" friend seemed more interested in his wishes-to-be-dead friend's wife. Also who in the world says these lines "Yaar sir jhuka ke kyo baitha hai, sir utha ke ji".


3. This one is supposed to be funny, new age commercial. Instead it comes out to be corny and cheap somehow. Boy visiting a girl's "farm" and she impressing her with her "melons", seriously that's the best you could come up for a gaming site?


4.This ad featuring Delhi daredevils is so unintentionally funny that I couldn't stop myself from laughing every time I see it. Credit to Viru who tried to act his skin out. "Tune to zindagi ki baazi maar li" :)



There are couple more, one in which Fardeen Khan nearly gave his dad a lap dance for Pan Bahar(sadly its not on Youtube anymore) and other being a jet pilot trusting his fighter jet in the sky and somehow relates it to the mobile he uses.
I believe these are not the only ones, add more and if you can't find any, IPL is round the corner, trust it to fetch some really annoying commercials for you.

Edit: The mobile-jet ad is for Lemon mobile. Finally saw the full version. Interestingly the guy first compares the cell to his girlfriend and then to jet. Is there something I am missing? (Link thanks to Abhinav)

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

A hate letter by a Cigarette

Dear Quitter,
Remember me? Of course you do! You can't take your eyes off me even now and still you can do nothing. You shameless prick! You have changed but I haven't. This letter is not for you to take me back but to remind you of the good times that you are missing.
I was once the only part of your life when you felt truly relaxed. I was there with you when you were depressed, there when you were celebratory and also there when you had nothing else to do. I was the first thing that you looked for when you woke up and was, most of the time, the last thing you held when you tried to sleep.
I remember the times when you used to say that your mornings were incomplete without me and the times when you walked in the middle of the night to search for me. I tolerated your every mood, even when you bared me and made me into a joint. Still what gave you the happiness, gave me pleasure.
People used to say a lot a stuff about me but it never changed your affection towards me. Not even when I was called a cheap slut who can give you life threatening diseases. I remember you used to say "Its not cheap anymore"
Then things started to change one day, the day when you brought that bitch into your life. I could see just from her expressions, she hated me. She didn't like the fact that I was always closer to your heart. Its not that you didn't try. You tried to patch things between her and me and have a threesome, but some things are just not meant to be. Please inform her that if she doesn't enjoy me, it is not due to some problem with me, it is because she is doing it wrong.
Then started our secret meetings. At that time also I didn't mind being the other person in your life. Sadly, like all other secrets of life, this secret was also disclosed one day. That started the trend of our "one last meetings". You used to hold me like you really believed that you will never hold me again and I also tried to give you full pleasure till I lasted.
Then came the day when we were caught red handed. I was too happy that for once you will face the reality and show some balls, but you caved in.
Its been so many months since then, you have even married that ignorant bitch now! Nowadays whenever you find some other person holding me, I can see the twitch in your eyes but then you seem to show that you have moved on.
You are not the first person that has left me, but unlike many, you have left me not with your will but under pressure from a certain other, whom you knew for just few weeks. For once I hoped that you could have been man enough and told her that leaving me is your decision not hers.
With me gone I always think how do you face your dear friends Peggu and Beeru? Or have you ditched them too? Please if you are planning to leave them too then, for once, be a man and quit by yourself without taking orders from the high command.

Yours lovingly,
Ciggy

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Save the IITians - An Airtel Initiative

In a bid to out wit the rival telecom provider Aircel, Airtel has started the initiative Save the IITians.
Speaking to the media, the Airtel spokesperson said
"It is about creating awareness that IITians, like other living beings, need mates too. Their prime years are wasted looking for their prospective mates in the virtual world"
On asked about whether this initiative is in response to Aircel's Save the Tigers initiative, he said
"No, we are dealing with a bigger cause here. Look there were a million Tigers a century ago and now there are 1000 left. How has our life degraded? Infact our life is better. I bet you couldn't have enjoyed upto 16Mbps speed a century ago on any network."
"Also with 1000 Tigers, they still have 1:3 male female ratio. Look at poor IITians, there is 1:20 male: non male ratio. Lets not even go into the male female ratio category. These guys are the future of the nation. If they don't get prospective mates now, I believe the great IIT gene pool will end for ever"

Its been heard that they have roped in famous cricketers like Rajesh Chauahan and VenkatPati Raju as the brand ambassadors. Airtel hasn't provided any reason for such choice
To create awareness about the horrible situation IITians are living in, plans are on to put flexes around the cities featuring IIT girls in their various moods. Local government has requested to avoid putting such flexes around schools, parks and hospitals so that people with weak heart don't get scared. Permission to put flexes with whole batch of IIT girls is still pending with law enforcement agencies.
Famous social activist, Suheil Seth commented on Times Now, " I believe that this issue deals with whole country and whole world as such and we can not tolerate such inhuman behavior against a certain section of society"
On another question regarding the recent Naxal attacks, Mr. Seth added  " I believe that this issue deals with whole country and whole world as such and we can not tolerate such inhuman behavior against a certain section of society"

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

The Decade Awards

I know its a bit late for a decade review but who am I kidding, I know no one was waiting for it. So here they are:

Humanitarian of the decade: Ashmit Patel for showing us what we have been dreaming since those cute Liril ad days. Ashmit, you may never win an actual award but you surely have reserved a place in heaven.

Special mention
: Mani Shankar for letting us see much more of Nandana Sen than it was expected in a war movie.

Anti-Humanitarian of the decade: Former health minister Ramdas thanks to whom I can't have simple pleasure of smoking and drinking at the same time in a pub.

Special Mention
: The guys who banned Savita Bhabhi. May you guys never get an erection

Too much information of the decade: Anil Kapoor for showing his man breast in Tashan.

Special Mention: Shamita Shetty showing why going commando at a public event is not such a good idea.

Fresh face of the decade: Who other than KRK?

Numerous people came and went away (some like Tusshar Kapoor are still lurking somewhere) but this daisy fresh face will remain etched in memories for next 5 decades.

Special Mention
: Tusshar Kapoor, Bruce Mcgain, Jaya Sawant (Rakhi ki maa)

Have-Been-There-Since-Ages award: Just like past 200 decades, this decade also the award goes to AK Hangal. To the ignorant, this decade also we were blessed with his undying presence in Lagaan and some random Abhishek Bachhan movie.
Trivia question: Does any body remember any movie in which he played a role of a young college student? The youngest I can remember him is from Bawarchi, where he played role of eldest brother (Obviously who was nearing his retirement age)

Special Mention
: Suresh Kalmadi, I am sure when my grand kids will be disqualified for Olympics 2090 trial, it will be because the IOC chairman, Mr Kalmadi was pissed at me.

Overachiever of the decade: Jointly shared by SS Das, Vijay Dahiya, Thiru Kumar, Sarandeep Singh who were lucky enough to share the dressing room with Sachin and Dravid.

Special Mention
: RS Sodhi, Rahul Sanghavi, Samir Dighe.

Underachiever of the decade: Bangaroo Lakshman. No he is not younger brother of VVS. He was the president of BJP when he tried to achieve money under the table and was caught in camera.

Special Mention
: Hansie Cronje, Azzu miyan.

Award for recognizing homosexuality in mainstream: Harman Baweja for his buddy dialog in Love Story 2050: "This is a hard one, you have a nice one, take care buddy". Watch the video from 4:27 to 4:32 to believe it.


Special Mention

Celina, not for her lesbian gay group but for what she wears(I mean makeup)

Obvious gyan of the decade
: Sex dossier by coach Gary.

Special Mention
: Sherlyn Chopra telling how going under the knife does no harm to one’s inner most being.

Un-obvious gyan of the decade: Baba Ramdev telling that homosexuality is a disease and he has a cure for it.

Joke of the decade: Arjun Rampal getting National award, that too for acting.

Special Mention
: Narender Hirwani saying Ganguly cut short his career in prime. Sunil Joshi getting IPL contract and actually playing couple of games. Sanjay Bangar being bought out by KKR from Deccan Chargers. The whole existence of Ajit Agarkar.