Sunday, October 25, 2009

Run Dubey Run

(Warning: Long Post)

Flight at 6:30, reached airport at 5:45, yeh I am a genius, perfectly optimized timing. Show ticket at the Kingfisher counter, waiting for the boarding pass. 5 minutes pass, worried look on the attendant's face, "Sir, this flight has departed, it was 6:30 AM flight, you are 12 hrs late for boarding !!"

WHATTTTTT!! How can it be, I am such an idiot, FUCK FUCK FUCK !!!

Okay, cool down, "When does your next flight departs"?

"Tomorrow morning, sir"

"..and partner airlines?"

"There is a Spice jet flight, but its boarding gates just closed"

OMG, what should I do now, my train from Delhi to Kanpur is at 11:30 (or is it 11:40, dunno will check later), anyhow I have to reach Delhi before 10:30 . Diwali season, Dhanteras, mindless shopaholic Delhi traffic, will I be able to reach station in an hour?

Still standing at the boarding pass counter, looking every bit constipated. I need a cigarette NOW. No, No not right time, "What about any other airlines?", I ask

"Sir, our ticketing counter will help you regarding it"

"....and....will I get any refund?", I ask hiding all my embarrassment and still looking like a fool,

"Sir, our ticketing counter will help you regarding it"

Are you guys bots, seriously? Whatever, just goto the fucking counter.

"Hi, I have missed my flight for Delhi, is there any other flight in next 1 hr or so?"

"One minute sir"..."Sorry, there is no Kingfisher or Jet flight, but there is one Air India flight departing at 7:20 PM".

"Perfect, ...how much refund will I get for the missed flight?", my nerves are cooling a little bit

"One minute sir"..."Only Rs 200 will be deducted, rest all will be transferred back"

First good news since what felt as ages

Air India counter, seriously ugly faces. Do they want to scare the customers away?

"Do you have any tickets for next Delhi bound flight?"

I am asked to goto one ugly aunty sitting at the right most corner, let's call her aunty no. 1

"Do you have any seats remaining for Delhi bound flight at 7:30 AM?"

Aunty No. 1: "Domestic?"

"Ya"(Although I wanted to say, "No, the flight bound to Delhi, the country!")

Aunty No. 1: "To fir idhar kyo aa gaye, udhar jao na", pointing to the left most corner, to ugly aunty no. 2

"Dilli ka ticket milega abhi wali flight ka?", I assumed my 100% desi version

Aunty No. 2: "Uski sabhi ticket bik gayi hia"

I wonder whether I can sit near to pilot, it has happened before, and mine is a genuine emergency, but I dare not joke now.

"To ab kya?" , I ask

"There is one international flight transiting at Delhi"

"Give me one for that"

"Goto to that corner"

Ohh...back to aunty no.1

"International flight to Delhi, what time does it departs?"

Aunty No. 1: "8:10"

"...will reach Delhi at?"

"Ummm...", aunty counting on fingers, "8:10, 9:10, 10:10, it will reach at 10:10"

"Perfect, give me one"

Aunty goes to swipe my credit card at godknows what location, comes back after 10 minutes, I see the time of arrival at Delhi Airport , 10:30 PM

"WHATTT, you said 10:10 PM!!"

"Arre, its just official arrival time, it always reaches long before that, dont worry beta"

Whatever !!

Goto AirIndia boarding counter

"Sir, this is International ticket, you have to goto International terminal, thats on the right side straight"

Umm, never knew that, whatever !!

Boarding pass line seems easy, just 5 people ahead of me, they have quite some luggage, but how long can it take, I smile after a long time.

45 minutes pass, My goodness, these people are so slow, and why do they have to take that much lugagge? are they being deported? Shifting base from India? I want an AK-47

Finally at the counter, hand over my ticket. 5 minutes pass, person hitting the keyboard like crazy

"From where did you get this ticket sir?"

I snap, "Fucking 50 meters away from your dumbass counter, what happened now?"

"No sir, there is no reservation entry for your name, No problem, I will make one, this is your boarding pass and this is custom's declaration form"

"What customs? I dont know? It says a lot of things, I have a most of them, will they take it from me? Do I have to pay extra?"

"No sir, its just for official purpose"

Whatever !

Customs, Done. Security, Done. Run towards the smoking lounge.

Ohhhhh, sweet lord, NOW I feel good.

Sister calls, tells that she got her dream job, YIPIEE!!

I tell her I have raped myself, YIPIEEE !!

Panic, panic, panic. Girls panic a lot. She tries to induce some panic in me too. I hang up.

Talk to fellow passengers, bad news, this flight NEVER reaches Delhi before 11.

PANIC, PANIC, PANIC. More cigarette.

Call all the cab guys in Delhi, only one books cab for 10:45 from International airport. Okay I say, I have 45 minutes to reach station, certainly possible.

Boarding starts, inside the airbus

OHHHHHHWHATTHEFUCK!! Are these air hostesses for real, who let them out at this age? They should be nursing their grandkids now. Damn you Air India, now I will have nightmares all through my life. One seriously looks like a man trapped in a female costume. Fuck you Indian government for not implementing age and beauty criteria. This is International flight for god's sakes. Sister calls again. Induces more panic. I snap at her too. Hang up again. Tear the boarding pass.

I love you AirIndia, I am at International arrival at 10:30, I can make it to railway station. Have to go through immigration check. What? Okay!

"Boarding pass?"

"Woh to flight me bhool aya", my face as innocent as a sheep

"To wapas jake leke aao"

"Sir please", more innocence

"Okay, aage se mat karna"

Call the cab guy, "Where are you?"

"Sir, I will reach in 15 minutes, booking was for 10:55 na?"

"No, you idiot, dont bother coming now"

Pre-paid taxi

"Bhaiyya 11:30 ki train hai pahucha dege na?"

"Abhi 11 baj raha hai, nahi ho payega"

"Achha chalo to sahi, dekhte hia"

Cab is a vintage Maruti OMNI, driver knows his ways around Delhi. Good.

Should check what time my train departs, its 11:40 yeh, 10 more minutes of oxygen.

Cab is running smoothly, see even Bajaj scooters are overtaking us.

"Bhaiyya thoda tez chalo"

"Tez hi to chala rahe hia, 60 ke oopar kya bhagegi yeh gaadi"

Panic, cigarette, panic

11:37: Traffic signal at Paharganj, I skip out and run. Check on which platform my train is, 13 the board says, Fuck, why didnt I choose the Ajmeri gate. Can do nothing now, run, run. No cant run, okay walk fast. Yes that can be done.

11:41: Yeh I am infront of my compartment. Made it. Legs ache, heart beats fast, I am smiling ear to ear. Finally accomplished something in past 2 years.

Finally the train departed at 12. Never felt so good about a train being late.